The Grief of Separation for Immigrant Families

The separation of Latin American immigrant families in Quebec is a complex and often misunderstood issue. It creates unique challenges for these families, who face both the challenges of immigration and those of separation. In this article, we'll look at each of the stages of separation grief and the services available in Quebec for families going through this difficult time.

Statistics on separated families in Quebec reveal a disturbing reality. In 2020, for example, more than 40,000 couples will be separated, directly affecting more than 60,000 children. For immigrant families, the numbers are equally alarming, with separation rates often higher than the national average. However, a recent study by Statistics Canada shows that the dissolution of the first union is more common among Canadian-born individuals than among landed immigrants (Clémence Zossou and Solène Lardoux, Duration of First Unions: A Comparative Analysis of Landed Immigrants and Canadian-born Individuals, Focus on Canadians: Results from the General Social Survey, Statistics Canada, March 11-24).

After separation, the family with children becomes a "separate" family, and everyone becomes a "co-parent," which means they are part of the same team, the parenting team of their children.

The stages of grief separation

Family separation is a difficult process and is recognized as the second most stressful event in a person's life. The process involves a variety of losses, and those affected go through different stages, from initial shock to final acceptance. For Latin American immigrant families, these stages can be exacerbated by feelings of isolation and cultural challenges. In the process of separation, these stages are reflected in the family:

1. In the early stages of separation, it's common to feel shock and denial about the reality of the situation. Individuals may find it difficult to accept that the relationship is over. It's rare for both spouses to agree to separate. Often, one makes the decision and the other suffers the psychological shock of separation.
2. Anger may be directed at the other person or at oneself. People may feel betrayed, abandoned, or frustrated by the situation. It is therefore important to control one's angry reactions in order to avoid serious legal problems, as acts of physical, psychological, verbal, financial or other violence can be condemned by the criminal court.
3. Individuals may try to negotiate or find ways to save the relationship. They may remember the good times or suggest compromises to avoid separation. They may try couples therapy, buy a new house, or even conceive a new child.
4. The reality of separation can lead to deep sadness and depression. Individuals may feel an emotional void and struggle to find meaning in their lives. The judgment of those around them, the isolation, and the absence of the family of origin make this depressive state even more difficult.
5. Eventually, each of the "co-parents" begins to accept the reality of the separation and look to the future. They may feel a sense of relief or release from the past. A co-parent is ready to rebuild his or her life when he or she is able to remain indifferent to the other's anger and can focus on co-parenting.

Each of these stages may vary in duration and intensity for each individual. It's important to recognize and respect the different ways in which people experience the grieving process of separation.

In conclusion, the separation of Latin American immigrant families in Quebec is a complex process that presents many challenges. However, with the right support and open communication, it is possible to overcome these challenges and rebuild a fulfilling life for oneself and one's children.

Don't go through the separation process alone: get informed, get help, and get legal and psychosocial support. There are many resources available.

 

Here are some references:

Spanish language guide "La séparation: un gesto de amor" ("Separation: a gesture of love")

Co-parenting session after separation

Quebec Association of Family Mediators

Seminar in Spanish: "El mapa de tu separación" (The map of your separation)

Family Mediation Appointments